Top Five Most Beautiful Women
Mood:  celebratory
Now Playing: He Wasn't Man Enough for Me - Toni Braxton
Topic: Thoughts
Drew Barrymore

Katherine Moennig

Liv Tyler

Penelope Cruz

Julianne Moore

I guess what I said about liking red and black hair the most - really proves true to what I find attractive .. ;)
Others that I think are beautiful ....
Lauren Lee Smith

Joey Lauren Adams

Amazing Place
Mood:  vegas lucky
Now Playing: Kiss = Prince
Topic: Thoughts

That picture is blissful ;) It's of Myrtle Beach, SC - I can't believe I will be there in 3 months for 2 whole weeks - plus my best friend is going with me. We are going to have an amazing time. I am so excited I wish it was NOW! But the good thing is - we will be there on my favorite holiday. Myrtle is Wonderful on the 4th of July .. *YIPPEE*

Sunny Monday :)
Mood:  bright
Now Playing: When I'm Gone - Ani Difranco
Topic: Thoughts

Look how sweet - they are so cute together - Today has been a wonderful day - I think any day is better when the sun is shining and breeze is blowing - it makes me have spring fever - I want to do so many thing *lol* it's instant . I talked to my best friend about her ex getting out of jail and everything - we had a long discussion and I think for the first time - someone really heard me and understood my fears. It's weird how some people understand us so easily while with others it's a constant struggle. We talked a lot about forgiveness and when we should give it. Should we continue to be distant and mean to certain people because they have hurt us over and over again or should we just forgive these people and let them in again. I wonder why should we? These people have that they are going to hurt us - again - that is what they do . There will be a moment where things are really wonderful and then before you know - things are horrible again and you are wishing you that you didn't forgive them in the first place. What is the right thing to do .. ? Who knows - I have been trying to figure all of this out for a few weeks now .. and I am more confused when I started .. why do people so easily hurt me .. have they no remorse for their actions .. am I too sensitive .. ? ... who knows .. do I expect to much .. I would never expect something that I couldn't give .. I have no idea .. ;) ... so thoughts for today are on forgiveness and how to get past that .. also the plans are completely set for vacation .. I decided to post-pone my surgery until we get back from vacation .. I really want to enjoy myself while I am there and I don't want to worry about hurting after surgery - I want to have the time of my life !!!!!!!! - I am going to do everything I have always been too afraid to do .. I want to para-sail - I want to go snorkeling .. I want to go surfing .. I want ride the tallest - scariest - roller coaster they have .. I want to go and say I did everything I wanted to do! .. no worries - ... am sooooooooooooooooooooo EXCITED! .. Anyhow .. will write more later of course .. just felt like getting that out there ..

"Friends can help each other. A true friend is someone who lets you have total freedom to be yourself-and especially to feel. Or, not feel. Whatever you happen to be feeling at the moment is fine with them. That's what real love amounts to-letting a person be what he really is." - Jim Morrison

All About Me Continued
Mood:  lucky
Now Playing: To Let You See Me - Melissa Ferrick
Topic: Thoughts
On Career
Do you have a Job? yes
What kind of Job? Public Health Medical Assistant
How long have you had it? 3 years
Do you plan to keep it? I plan to stay at the Health Department probably until I retire – but – I want to grow in this position as a Nurse – then a Nurse Practitioner – maybe even someday as a DO.
What did you want to be when you were 5-years old? An Artist
How about at 15-years old? A Musician or A Writer some where in between those 3 things I wanted to be a Beautician – I think when I was 12 ;)
What about now? A Nurse Practitioner
Why has it, or hasn't it, changed? Reality set in – and I realized that unless you were extremely talented at any of the above things you weren’t going to make enough money to survive so – I thought about what I spent my time doing – and it was taking care of people – so I decided to get into the medical field – it’s a nice fit J


On Family
Are you close to your family: some of them
Are you a family oriented person: not really
Who are you closest to in your family: My grandmother – I’ve also always shared a camaraderie with my Aunt Karen – we are kindred spirits – we are SO much alike it’s scary.
Do you have any brothers/sisters: yes 1 brother – 1 sister
If so, who are they: I don’t know them well enough to tell anything about them
How old are your siblings

On Friends (Who is the .. )
Funniest: Angie Harmon
Sweetest:Lisa Most Forgiving: Lydia aka Allie
Goofiest: Suban
Best Dressed: Robbie Banks
Oldest: Angela Thompson – I’ve known her since the first grade. 21 years
Newest: Allison Miller – I’ve only known Al for year but I adore her to pieces!
Closest: Dawn
Furthest: Courtney
Most Loyal: Angie Harmon – she never goes away – you can do anything to this girl – I swear - she always ends up being there.
Most Fun: Allison - she is so FREE
Who's your best friend: Dawn Cramer
Who's your next to best friend: Angie Harmon or Angela Thompson

On School
Fav. Teacher: Mr. Dupe – I learned so much from him
Fav. Subject: Chemistry, any kind of Math except Statistics – and Art
Fav. Activities: Yearbook and the school Newspaper.
Where are you going and/or did you go to college: goodness I’ve gone to a lot of colleges and majored in a variety of things – I will spare the details – I am currently enrolled in Columbus State. However –I will be changing programs soon and going to OSU.
How far in schooling do you want to go: All the way if I can – as far as possible – some form of Doctorate.
Do you like school: love it J
Are you a good student: yes in most subjects – I’m not interested in classes like humanities, history, or writing – so I usually get a B – due to lack of effort – everything else I usually really excel at.

On Games:
Fav. board game: Scrabble
Fav. card game: Euchre
Fav. gaming system: Nintendo – godsh – I am old
Fav. video game: The Sims 2

On the Internet
Fav. Website: http://www.thelwordonline.com/
Do you have an online journal: yes
how often do you go online? At least once daily

Opinions:
Abortion: First let me say – I don’t think any human being has the right or should they have the power to take a life. I believe that God gives you life therefore he should be the only to take it away. I am sympathetic to circumstances and I realize this is not a perfect world. This is something I have never had to make a decision about abortion. I do not know what I would do. I know I would try to do anything else possible before I had to resort to abortion and it would be a life or death matter.
Homosexuality/Gay Marriage: I believe that people are born homosexual/bisexual/heterosexual. I do not believe it is a choice. I believe that God created people that way for a reason. I also believe that LOVE sees no COLOR or GENDER. I 100% agree with Gay Marriage and I think it is very righteous for anyone to make the decision that you cannot love whomever you choose to love. If heterosexuals are allowed to marry then so should bisexuals/homosexuals – why is that someone else is able to make that choice for you. I think it is bullshit that Gay Marriage has even been questioned and I think BUSH is an idiot for making it that way.
Suicide: I think Suicide is complicated and very sad.
Racism: I do not agree with nor do I support any form of racism.
Death Penalty: like I said with Abortion “I don’t think any human being has the right or should they have the power to take a life.” – I 100% totally disagree with the death penalty.
Immigration: First, I think we need to take care of what we have here in the United States – until we have all of our issues under control – I think we should put a hold on immigration. I do not have a problem at all with diversity or helping people. I think it is wonderful – and diversity is what makes life interesting. However, you cannot save someone who is drowning if you are barely treading water. The United States is barely treading water – how are we supposed to help these people.
Animal Rights: I don’t agree with animal testing – However, it’s not something that means a lot to me.
Are you Democratic/Republican/Independent: Democrat
if you were president, what are some things you would change? Well I would make Health Care Free for all who needed it. I would work on the Homeless Population rehabilitating and trying to find homes for them. I would also work on jails and prisons – (working with rehabilitation and trying to establish new lives for prisoners) I would also try to work on the Education system it has terribly declined. I would make marriage legal for all people - and then I work on peace relations with other countries.

All About Me
Mood:  lucky
Now Playing: To Let You See Me
Topic: Thoughts
The Basics:
Your name: Billie S Bowe
Age: 26
Birthday: September 18
Sign: Virgo
Profession: Public Health Medical Assistant
Marital Status: Single
Natural hair color: Strawberry Blonde
Eye color: Blue/Green
Glasses/contacts: I need them really bad – I have an appt to get checked in a week J
Piercing: Ears (twice)
Tattoos: No – but will – I want a butterfly on my lower back
Height: 4'11
Cigarettes: No when I am strong – Yes when I am weak
Alcohol: It’s fun at parties – but not everyday
Drugs: I don’t like to do drugs – I have tried a lot – but I don’t like the way it makes me feel
Bad Habits: Catastrophizing, Exaggerating, Whining, and Eating my Emotions

My Favorite:
Night Club/Bar: Wall Street and Putters Pub
Animal: Dog – I love beagles, cocker spaniels, Brittney spaniels, and York Shire Terriers
Place: Myrtle Beach, SC
Possession/Thing: My Car
Color: Pink – any shade – and I love turquoise
Weather: Spring/Fall weather – Sunny, Breezy, 75 degree weather
Country: USA
City: I love Myrtle Beach – but I don’t think I can make an informed choice I want to visit so many places – Manhattan NY, Boston MA, West Hollywood CA, Las Vegas NV – there are millions of places I want to go.
Store: Lane Bryant, Pier One, and Hallmark are all a tie
Thing to say: Shut the front door
Moment in history: okay I assuming this is something in the past – not involved with my lifetime – I would say if I could go back to any time and be a part of it – it would be Woodstock
Holiday or event: 4th of July
Memory: going in the ocean the first time when I was 6 years old with my Aunt Karen, Grandma, and Grandpa – it’s one of the only childhood memories I have.

TV/Movies:
Fav. Romance: Movie: Love Story, The Way We Were, and The Princess Bride
Fav. Comedy: Movies: Animal House & Dazed and Confused – Comedy Show: Ellen’s Stand Up Comedy 2003. Sitcoms: Friends and Fraiser
Fav. Horror: I don’t like scary movies at all
Fav. Cartoon: Movie- Hook, Toy Story, Peter Pan, Alice in Wonderland Cinderella – TV: Carebears & Snorkels, Smurfs.
Fav. Drama: Movie – Almost Famous, Pulp Fiction, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, The Village, Finding Neverland. TV: the L Word and Sex in the City Fav. Action: The Matrix, Pulp Fiction, Scarface, Heat, Kill Bill (both)
Fav. Musical: The Wizard of Oz, Annie, Beauty in the Best, Marry Poppins, West Side Story, Grease, Guys and Dolls,

Foods:
Fav. Drink: White Chocolate Frappachino and Herbal Green Tea
Fav. Alcoholic Drink: Vanilla Rum and Coke, Bud Light in the Bottle, and Frozen Brandi Alexander’s
Fav. Meat: I don’t eat much meat and I can’t say I have a favorite
Fav. Veggie: Green Peppers and Baby Carrots are a tie
Fav. Fruit: Strawberry’s and Peaches
Fav. Bread: Panerra
Fav. Dessert: Cheesecake
Fav. flavor of Ice Cream: Cherry Garcia
Fav. flavor of pie: Sweet Potato
Fav. way to eat potatoes: Baked
Fav. way to eat eggs: Scramble
Fav. way to drink coffee: With French Vanilla Creamer
Fav. kind of cheese: Colby Jack Cheese
Fav. flavor of yogurt: Mixed Berry Fruit at the Bottom

Music:
Fav. Band: Nirvana
Fav. Female Artist: Tracy Chapman
Fav. Male Artist: Eddie Vedder
Fav. Love Song: My Immortal- Evanescence
Fav. Head Banging Song: Thoughtless - Evanescence
Fav. Pop Song: Soldier – Beyonce
Fav. Rap Song: One Chance - Eminem
Fav. Type of Music: Chick Rock
Fav. Concert : Pearl Jam

Books
Fav. Writer: Judy Blume
Fav. Poet: Emily Dickinson
Fav. Poem: Phenomenal Woman – Maya Angelo
Fav. Genre of Writing: Non-Fiction
Fav. Book: Find Me – Rosie O’Donnel or Lucky Man – Michael J. Fox – both are AMAZING
Fav. Children's Book: Age: 2-13 Where the Sidewalk Ends by Shel Silverstein Age 13-17: Forever – Judy Blume

On Life
Do you own a vehicle: Yes a 2003 Toyota Echo
Do you own a home: no
Do you exercise daily: no
Are you religious: no – spiritual – not religious -
What do you like most about life: this is so hard to put into words – I truly love being alive – living my life – enjoying each and every moment for what it is – taking everything from it I can get and not holding back!
What do you dislike most about life: I hate that 85% of our lives is wasted on “trying to survive (making a dollar) working our lives away just to get by – I hate that we spend the other 15% of the time worrying about everything from the wrinkles in our jeans to the wrinkles on our faces – worrying about how we are going to survive complaining and whining that we don’t have enough of this or that- so much time is wasted on things that are so meaningless – so uneventful – there is so much more to life then those things and it really bothers me that we are forced into a society that puts so much focus on bull shit that doesn’t matter.
Have you ever ran away from home: yes
Have you ever gotten kicked out of your house: yes
What is your biggest regret: there are a lot – but the mistake that I made that has affected me the most – is dropping out of college for the first time. I often wonder where I would be right now if I hadn’t – how my life would be different – would it be better – just because I would have a different degree behind my name?
What Makes You Happy: children, friendship, doing things for the first time, taking risks, just living in the moment, spending time with family and friends
What Makes You Sad: there are a lot of things – it makes me sad that people are so close minded and judgmental – that some people are arbitrated by the color of their skin, by being male or female, or by their sexual orientation. It saddens me that some people are so righteous that they feel that they can look off the ends of their noses and show disapproval over things that God created.
Do you like being around people or spending time alone more: I like them both equally – I need a little bit of each in my life. It is necessary for me to spend time alone – but – I really enjoy being around people
Can people Trust you: some – mostly people I am close to that I am able to trust in return.
What are your Goals: right now my main goal is to have the gastric bypass surgery successfully – then I want to go back to school and get my Nurse Practitioner License with a specialty in Pediatrics, I would like to have a child by the time I am 33, and I want to buy my own home by the age of 40.
What sort of people annoy you: People who are judgmental, close-minded, needy, emotionally crippled, apathetic, who have no work ethic, liars, and bigots.
What sort of things do people do that give you hope: seeing people overcome adversity, seeing people be kind to one another, seeing people accomplish their goals.
Can you dance? Not well – but I love to.
What is your worst fear: Death of my grandparents and Failure, I also worry myself into more grey hairs over Madi Gayle, Merry, Kaylie, and McKenzie
If you could chose how you could die how would it be: Sudden, Unknown, Unplanned
Are you holding grudges: there are a few – I need to let go of them – I really do – but it’s going to take some time – and some apologies
Do you need to grant someone forgiveness: yes – but the individuals have not asked for my forgiveness.

On Children:
Do you have children: no
If not, do you want children: possibly
what would you name your first child or what are the names of your children: girls: Emma Sue, Baylie Sue, Shane Mona after my grandmother, and Blythe Ericka – after Dawn Ericka my best friend. For boys: Elliot Clarence

On Love
What is your definition of love? There is a song by Alanis Morissette called Everything: these are the lyrics I pulled from it – this is a great definition of love – “You see everything, you see every part. You see all my light and you love my dark. You dig everything of which I'm ashamed. There's not anything to which you can’t relate. And you’re still here. What I resist, persists, and speaks louder than I know. What I resist, you love, no matter how low or high I go. And you’re still here.” The most important line from the song is “And you’re still here” – to me LOVE is about sticking – working through things – always being there – through the good and the bad – not running away – not hiding behind lies – it’s about standing up – giving yourself to another person -
Do you believe that you have a true love: me personally – no I don’t think so.
Are you fearful of being loved or loving someone? Why or why not? Terrified!
Who was the first guy/girl you Ever Liked: Shane Ucker
First boyfriend or girlfriend? Darrel Thomas
First love: I haven’t had it yet
First time being asked out was by: Henry Edwards
Who is or was your favorite boyfriend/girlfriend: Aaron Mock
Do you have a significant other: no
If so what's there name, how long have you been together?
What is your perfect partner like? Emotionally- Confident, Honest, Genuine, Aggressive, Charismatic, Moral, Open Minded, Hard Working, Dedicated, Loyal, Funny, Mentally- Very Intelligent, Quick Witted, Well Read, and Stable. Physically: things I am attracted to always change – however I have noticed a few constants that usually don’t change – I love tall people! I know that is terrible because I am so short but I find it really attractive, also I like black and red hair the most. I love all colors of eyes especially brown. I like someone who has there own style when it comes to clothes – I like funky, trendy, and comfortable – someone who smells good – a great clean scent is always nice and – I love a beautiful smile ;) pretty straight white teeth.
Do you want to get married or are you married? no
What do you want your wedding to be like or what was it like? Well – I used to want to get married – so I’ve thought about this – and I would want it outside at dusk in the late summer – just beginning of fall – around my birthday …in a park .. lit by candlelight .. and white Christmas lights – I would want light warm colors – like creme and buttercup yellow, with daisy flowers. I would want it to be a small wedding with just close friends and family.

Feeling Excited Silly and Funky :)
Mood:  rushed
Now Playing: One Way or Another - Blondie
Topic: Thoughts

Isn't that picture hot? I am so excited me and all of my best friends are going out tomorrow night to First Friday at Wall Street - I hope we have an amazing time. It is so wonderful to be able to be OUT and be ME and for people to love me just the same! ... I am feeling A LOT better since I last wrote. I will write more saturday.
"Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive." -- Anais Nin

"I Love Rock N Roll" Joan Jett
Mood:  crushed out
Now Playing: "I Love Rock N Roll" Joan Jett
Topic: Lyrics

I saw him dancin' there by the record machine
I knew he must a been about seventeen
The beat was goin' strong
Playin' my favorite song
An' I could tell it wouldn't be long
Till he was with me, yeah me, singin'
I love rock n' roll
So put another dime in the jukebox, baby
I love rock n' roll
So come an' take your time an' dance with me
He smiled so I got up and' asked for his name
That don't matter, he said,
'Cause it's all the same
Said can I take you home where we can be alone
An' next we were movin' on
He was with me, yeah me
I love rock n' roll
So put another dime in the jukebox, baby
I love rock n' roll
So come an' take your time an' dance with me

Frankly Friday
Mood:  crushed out
Now Playing: I Love Rock and Roll - Joan Jett
Topic: Thoughts

Well it's saturday morning to be exact - it's 1:32am but - it's still friday for me because I haven't slept yet *lol* ... Anyhow .. So I didn't go on my date .. nope - I chickened out :( .. Don't know what's wrong with me .. I'm in a funk .. I'm sad .. I can't seem to get past things with the friend that disappointed me ... it breaks my heart - to beat it all .. I miss her .. why is that .. I shouldn't - it was complicated and messy - and hurt like hell .. but I miss her .. I am so terribly screwed up ... who knows .. "this too shall pass" I hope .. I am getting up early to color eggs with my god daughter and my best friends little girl .. am excited for that .. I just wish I could shake these blues .. egh .. on trying to stay optimistic ..

Too many people miss the silver lining because they're expecting gold. ~Maurice Setter

Torn - Natalie Imbruglia
Mood:  not sure
Now Playing: Torn - Natalie Imbruglia
Topic: Lyrics

I thought I saw a man brought to life
He was warm, he came around like he was dignified
He showed me what it was to cry
Well you couldn’t be that man I adored
You don’t seem to know, don’t seem to care what your heart is for
But I don’t know him anymore
There’s nothing where he used to lie
My conversation has run dry
That’s what’s going on, nothing’s fine I’m torn
I’m all out of faith, this is how I feel
I’m cold and I am shamed lying naked on the floor
Illusion never changed into something real
I’m wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn
You’re a little late, I’m already torn
So I guess the fortune teller’s right
Should have seen just what was there and not some holy light
To crawl beneath my veins and now
I don’t care, I have no luck, I don’t miss it all that much
There’s just so many things that I can’t touch, I’m torn
There’s nothing where he used to lie
My inspiration has run dry
That’s what’s going on, nothings right, I’m torn
I’m all out of faith, this is how I feel
I’m cold and I am shamed lying naked on the floor
Illusion never changed into something real
I’m wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn
I’m all out of faith, this is how I feel
I’m cold and I’m ashamed bound and broken on the floor
You’re a little late, I’m already torn

Excited for tomorrow
Mood:  not sure
Now Playing: Torn - Natalie Imbruglia
Topic: Thoughts

So I got my hair cut --- it looks more like the picture above then the one I showed before -- I love it ... I got strawberry blonde highlights through it .. it's short and funky -- it makes me feel more like me --- I look younger and more true to who I am ...
It's been a LONG day! -- I didn't get to have my date of course because I was off getting my hair done - so we are going to go tomorrow night instead -
I am so NERVOUS for some reason - which is really unlike me when it comes to dating - this is usually my favorite part .. not sure why - I think it has a lot to do with the fact that I have been hurt before - esp. recently and besides that ..
I have some things that are unresolved right now .. inside -- things just don't feel 100% just yet ..
O well - I keep telling myself - it's just coffee for goodness sakes .. we will chat -- look at some books and I will go .. I just hope that she thinks I'm pretty and all ... butterflies in my tummy ..
Well I am off to get some beauty rest ...
Will write more tomorrow ..
"To live is so startling it leaves little time for anything else." - Emily Dickinson

Everything - Alanis Morrissette
Mood:  cheeky
Now Playing: Everything - Alanis Morrissette
Topic: Lyrics

Everything
I can be a nightmare of the grandest kind
I can withhold like it's going out of style
I have the bravest heart that you've ever seen
And you've never met anyone who's as positive as I am sometimes
You see everything, you see every part
You see all my light and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can't relate
And you're still here
I blame everyone else, not my own partaking
My passive-aggressiveness can be devastating
I'm the most gorgeous woman that you've ever known
And you've never met anyone who's as everything as I am sometimes
You see everything, you see every part
You see all my light and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can't relate
And you're still here
What I resist, persists, and speaks louder than I know
What I resist, you love, no matter how low or high I go
You see everything, you see every part
You see all my light and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can't relate
And you're still here

Thoughtful Thursday
Mood:  quizzical
Now Playing: Everything - Alanis
Topic: Thoughts

Is it just me - am I the only one that thinks she is phenomenally beautiful - wow -
Well the week is almost over ;) -- Made it half way - it's all gravy from here on out. I didn't get my hair done - they had my best friend and I's appointment wrong - so we rescheduled for tonight - I am so excited! - Today should be a wonderful day -I am getting my new hairstyle and I have a "date" tonight - just coffee, books, and conversation .. but still ... you never know ;) ... Maybe I will get lucky and actually start to get to know someone healthy! Someone who can offer me benefit from dating them .. Got everything bought for Easter tonight - Walmart was insanely busy - I must have waited in line for at least 45 minutes - it's crazy ..
I watched Ellen's stand up comedy 2003 --- tonight -- I have never laughed so hard - it was wonderful - if you haven't seen it - check it out .. well I don't really have much to say .. or have much on my mind .. so I think I will end it here ..

Love is the hardest habit to break, and the most difficult to satisfy.
Drew Barrymore

Crimson And Clover - Joan Jett & The Blackhearts
Mood:  lyrical
Now Playing: Crimson And Clover - Joan Jett & The Blackhearts
Topic: Lyrics

I, now I don't hardly know her
But I think I can love her
Crimson and clover

I, now when she comes walkin' over
Now I've been waitin' to show her
Crimson and clover
Over and over

Yeah, I'm not such a sweet thing
I wanna do everything
What a beautiful feelin'
Crimson and clover
Over and over

---- Instrumental Interlude ----

Crimson and clover
Over and over
Crimson and clover
Over and over

Cool Clips ...
Mood:  incredulous
Now Playing: Joan Jett and the Black Hearts - Crimson and Clover
Topic: Thoughts

It's funny really - so many people are terribly angry at a world that isn't in the least bit angry at them --- One thing I think we all truely deserve is the FREEDOM to find out who we are and what we want as individuals ... ;)

Fast Car - Tracy Chapman
Mood:  caffeinated
Now Playing: Fast Car - Tracy Chapman
Topic: Lyrics


You got a fast car
I want a ticket to anywhere
Maybe we can make a deal
Maybe together we can get somewhere

Anyplace is better
Starting from zero got nothing to lose
Maybe we'll make something
But me myself - I got nothing to prove

You got a fast car
And I got a plan to get us out of here
I been working at the convenience store
Managed to save just a little bit of money
We won't have to drive too far
Just 'cross the border and into the city
You and I can both get jobs
And finally see what it means to be living

You see my old man's got a problem
He live with the bottle that's the way it is
He says his body's too old for working
I say his body's too young to look like his
My mama went off and left him
She wanted more from life than he could give
I said somebody's got to take care of him
So I quit school and that's what I did
You got a fast car
But is it fast enough so we can fly away
We gotta make a decision
We leave tonight or live and die this way

I remember we were driving driving in your car
The speed so fast I felt like I was drunk
City lights lay out before us
And your arm felt nice wrapped 'round my shoulder
And I had a feeling that I belonged
And I had feeling I could be someone, be someone, be someone

You got a fast car
And we go cruising to entertain ourselves
You still ain't got a job
And I work in a market as a checkout girl
I know things will get better
You'll find work and I'll get promoted
We'll move out of the shelter
Buy a big house and live in the suburbs

You got a fast car
And I got a job that pays all our bills
You stay out drinking late at the bar
See more of your friends than you do of your kids
I'd always hoped for better
Thought maybe together you and me would find it
I got no plans I ain't going nowhere
So take your fast car and keep on driving

You got a fast car
But is it fast enough so you can fly away
You gotta make a decision
You leave tonight or live and die this way

Totally Tuesday
Mood:  energetic
Now Playing: Fast Car - Tracy Chapman
Topic: Thoughts


My hair officially hangs to my waist - so I've decided to give it to "locks of love" tomorrow - above is the hair cut I am going to get - 11 inches cut off - o my - that's almost a ruler *giggles* - today has been a long day - better spirits than yesterday ... ;) - I've reached a conclusion about the friend - that disappointed me - I realize now - that there isn't anything that I can do about what happened - I can only control my actions - I know that I deserve to be treated well - and I should not accept anything less ..
I have found - that the only thing we can control is our actions ... so why dwell on something that I can not change - I do not see this particular friend changing - she has been this way for a really long time - and only seems to get less and less dependable ... so that concludes that interlude - it really has thrown my whole yin and yang out of wack though --- I just can't believe I let her hurt me again - ?!?
I also had to tell someone - a very difficult truth - I don't know this person very well - nor - do I think - this person cares for me too much - but I had to tell this person the information that I did - for my own mental well-being - it felt yucky inside - to omit the truth -
I place a high reserve on honesty - I have expressed that before - it is the most important thing to me in relationships/friendships - anything to me is workable - forgivable - but a lie - it destroys trust completely - and is just simply to difficult to overcome ..
I made an Eye Doctor Appointment - I think I might need contacts - egh - of course --- I do look at a computer screen an awful lot during the day -
I think the strain is getting to me ..
Well the Easter Plans are on ... coloring eggs at "Aunt Billie's" - my house - Saturday morning - it is really going to make the best scrap book pages - all those messy little hands covered in food coloring - I love children - life just wouldn't be the same with out them .. :)
to conclude .. the quote for today ....

"When you say 'I am sorry' look the person in the eye. - When you say 'I love you' mean it. - In disagreements, fight fairly. - Say 'bless you' when you hear someone sneeze. - Never laugh at anyones dreams, people who do not have dreams do not have much. - Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk. - Finally, Remember the 3 R's - Respect for self, Respect for others, and Responsibility for all of your actions." - Emily Matthews on Etiquette

Closer To Fine - Indigo Girls
Mood:  chillin'
Now Playing: Closer To Fine - Indigo Girls
Topic: Lyrics

I'm trying to tell you something about my life
Maybe give me insight between black and white
The best thing you've ever done for me
Is to help me take my life less seriously, it's only life after all
Well darkness has a hunger that's insatiable
And lightness has a call that's hard to hear
I wrap my fear around me like a blanket
I sailed my ship of safety till I sank it, I'm crawling on your shore.
I went to the doctor, I went to the mountains
I looked to the children, I drank from the fountain
There's more than one answer to these questions
pointing me in a crooked line
The less I seek my source for some definitive
The closer I am to fine.
I went to see the doctor of philosophy
With a poster of Rasputin and a beard down to his knee
He never did marry or see a B-grade movie
He graded my performance, he said he could see through me
I spent four years prostrate to the higher mind, got my paper
And I was free.
I went to the doctor, I went to the mountains
I looked to the children, I drank from the fountain
There's more than one answer to these questions
pointing me in a crooked line
The less I seek my source for some definitive
The closer I am to fine.
I stopped by the bar at 3 a.m.
To seek solace in a bottle or possibly a friend
I woke up with a headache like my head against a board
Twice as cloudy as I'd been the night before
I went in seeking clarity.
We go to the bible, we go through the workout
We read up on revival and we stand up for the lookout
There's more than one answer to these questions
pointing me in a crooked line
The less I seek my source for some definitive
The closer I am to fine

You're So Vain - Carly Simon
Mood:  down
Now Playing: You're So Vain - Carly Simon
Topic: Lyrics


You walked into the party
Like you were walking onto a yacht
Your hat strategically dipped below one eye
Your scarf it was apricot
You had one eye in the mirror
As you watched yourself gavotte
And all the girls dreamed that they'd be your partner
They'd be your partner, and
You're so vain
You probably think this song is about you
You're so vain
I'll bet you think this song is about you
Don't you? Don't you?
You had me several years ago
When I was still quite naive
Well, you said that we made such a pretty pair
And that you would never leave
But you gave away the things you loved
And one of them was me
I had some dreams they were clouds in my coffee
Clouds in my coffee, and
You're so vain
You probably think this song is about you
Well, I hear you went up to Saratoga
And your horse naturally won
Then you flew your Lear jet up to Nova Scotia
To see the total eclipse of the sun
Well, you're where you should be all the time
And when you're not, you're with
Some underworld spy or the wife of a close friend
Wife of a close friend, and
You're so vain
You probably think this song is about you

The End of Melodramatic Monday
Mood:  down
Now Playing: You're So Vain - Carly Simon
Topic: Thoughts


O - it's monday *lol* we all need something pretty to look at - ;)

Today has been exhausting - I thought going back to work may add some resolve to the long weekend - but it didn't - I have recently been let down by a friend - and I know I shouldn't let it affect me - I should let it go - I am trying like hell to do that - but that is so much easier said than done - I have found out recently - that a lot of things that I hold dear and important - not all people hold at such a high esteem - *lol* - go figure - things like dependability, commitment, integrity, follow through, honesty - these are all things that I pride myself on - that I respect myself for - things that really make me - well - essentially me -not very many people have those same qualities - anymore - which sucks really - because I really admire people for those qualities - that is why I try so hard to be those --- I often admire strength in a person - someone who doesn't bow down or coward out - I like that a lot - someone who has self respect - someone who knows who she is and what she wants - that is awesome! I want to be more like that. I want to have more respect - I have always been a "door mat" per say - I don't want to be that anymore - I want people to respect me as an individual - someone with feelings and value - who deserves to be treated well - I don't want to accept less than that anymore. I have accepted less for so long ... I have eaten enough shit sandwiches - I am pushing away from the table and saying NO MORE THANK YOU - It's time that I eat at the grown up table and get served my own plate of respect - otherwise I am sending it back - *LOL* hopefully my analogy made since -- anyhow - so now that I have vented - I still don't feel much better *giggles* - why do things have to be so - egh - complicated all the time ---- ?
I will end with a quote of course --- because to live by someone else's wisdom -- is always so much easier --- lets see - I will pick one fitting for today's events ....
Whatever you are, be a good one.
-- Abraham Lincoln

My First Blog - O my ...
Mood:  cheeky
Now Playing: Closer to Fine - Indigo Girls
Topic: Thoughts
O goodness - well I decided to start a blog - I always have so much to say - and I read these a lot - so I figured why the heck not -- it would be easier just to put it down here - I have spent all of this time creating this thing and now I get here and I am not sure what to say - isn't it always that - tons of preparation and then - nothing *giggles* --- So I watched the L word tonight - which is the only thing I ever watch on TV - I can barely make myself sit through it -- but since I love the characters so much I really try -- the season is finally picking up - it had been kind of slow till now -- It's like midnight and I need to be up at 6:00 in the AM and I can't sleep of course - I have so much on my mind ... well I think that's all I want to say for now - I will be writing more later - --- will end with a quote ---

And the day came when the risk it took to remain closed in a bud became more painful than the risk it took to blossom. -Anais Nin